A man walks into a bar and finds a jar full of money on the counter. He asks the bartender what it’s for. The bartender replies, “Every night we have a contest that you have to complete three tasks to win all the money in the jar.” The man asks, “What are the tasks?”" First, ...
A man walks into a pub with a neck brace around his neck. He asks for a pint. The bartender gives him one. Then the man asks, “Who’s in the lounge?” The bartender replies. “15 people playing darts.” The man says, “Get them a pint too.” Then he asks, “Who’s upstairs?” The bartender replies, “150 ...
Two furniture salesman are sitting at the bar comiserating. One says, “Man! If I don’t move some furniture this month, I’m going to lose my ass.” The second salesman says, “Watch your mouth! There’s a lady sitting next to you. I apologize for my friend, m’aam.” The woman looks at him and says, “That’s OK. ...
A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that’s a weird dog: he’s stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn’t have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.†50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces. ...
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing “Tuff Enuff” by the Fabulous Thunderbirds. “That IS amazing!” says the bartender and gives the guy ...
BIT – A word used to describe computers, as in “Our daughter”s computer cost quite a bit.” BOOT – What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skill. BUG – What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. ...
You know how they use to give immigrants a test when they came to America? Well the last question on the test was to use pink, green and yellow in a sentence. So when the Mexican had his turn he answered the last question: “When the phone goes ‘GREEN GREEN GREEN ‘ I PINK it ...
‘This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it. Hey?, what”s that?? ?A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a ...
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.” The bartender says, “What do you have?” The guy says, “75 cents.” ...
Three men walk into a bar and the barman says, ””If you can sit in my basement for a day I”ll give you free beer forever.”” So the first man says, ””Easy. I can do that.”” But he walks out after five minutes and says, ””It”s impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there.”” ...