A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers like there ‘s a telephone in his hand, then puts his palm up against his cheek and begins talking. Suspicious, the bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn ‘t need any trouble here. The ...
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn ‘t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.Half-way up the stairs, he ...
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the ...
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. “What’s all the ...
There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things… this is how their conversation went. Guy 1:Â Yah..I”m originally from Dublin, Ireland Guy 2:Â Really?! Me too! Guy 1:Â I went to O”Malley Highschool. Guy 2 : I did too! What year did you graduate? ...
A man decides that he wants a pet, but not just any pet, a really unusual pet. He walks into the pet store and goes up to the service assistant. “Excuse me, I want a pet, but not just any pet, a really unusual pet”. The service assistant says “I have just the thing for ...
There was a crowd of bees flying around one day. These bees were most peculiar. They were powered by gasoline, rather than the allergenic goodies that bees usually eat. As the crowd flew along, periodically a bee or two would start to sputter; it would fly down to a gas station, drink up the gas ...
“I came face to face with a lion once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a gun.” “What did you do?” “What could I do? First, I tried looking straight into his eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer. I had to ...
1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. 2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. 3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the ...
A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he’s looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that ...