Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, “Are you crazy? You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!” “I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. ...
Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road.They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt.It’s impossible to assess blame for the accident on either however. They both get out. One is a doctor, one is ...
What ‘s the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician. ...
Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it.A genie pops out. He says, “I will grant you each one wish, but there ‘s a catch. Whatever you wish for, a lawyer will get 2 times more than that. “The first guy says, “I want a ...
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. “Your honor, ” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine. ” “Why ? ” asked the ...
A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence. They referred it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows: “Let the thief go first, and the executioner follow. “ ...
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first, ” she said. “What does your mother do all day? ” Tim stood up and proudly said, “She ‘s a doctor. ” “That ‘s wonderful. How about you, Amie? ” Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet ...
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl ‘s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave? ” “Of course not, dear. ” replied the mother, “Why would you think that? ...
A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain. The doctor then asked, “What type of brain do you want? ” “What type? ” the woman asked. “Yes, ” replied the doctor. “There is a substantial difference in price. For example, ...
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt. 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor ...