George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisors, and they were discussing spin control on his past drug problems. “Dubya, ” said his PR guy, “We ‘ve got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college. ” “It ‘s true, ” replied Bush, “but it isn ‘t my fault. ...
Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the year, and everyone is yelling and screaming. One of the President ‘s cabinet advisors whispers advice into his ear, at which point Bill stands up and throws Hillary out onto the field. The crowd goes deathly silent and the advisor says, “No, sir, what ...
At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, “Will we have to fight a World War Three? ” “Yes, comrades, looks ...
President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded! ” the American President cried, “My people ‘s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster! ” “Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt ‘ing wit ‘in der power to ‘help you, ” replied the Prime ...
After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. “Louise, ” he moaned, “Tell ...
A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show. The first candidate walks in, and the boss says, “This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me? ” The guy says, “Well damn! You got no ears man! ” ...
Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging. Samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with ...
1. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days. 2. If you don ‘t want to dress like Victoria ‘s Secret, girls, don ‘t expect us to act like soap opera guys. 3. If we say something that can be interpreted ...
An 82 year old man marries an 18 year old woman, she becomes pregnant. The 82 year old man goes to the Dr. to see what the DR had to say about the wife being pregnant. The Dr. said let me tell you a story about this 82 year old man I know, This man ...
An escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator temporarily out of order ” sign, just “Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience. ” - Mitch Hedberg ...