Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. ...
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.†“Why not?†“Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.†“Okay, we’ll just get a ...
Your mama is so dumb she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind. ...
Yo Mama so fat that when she wore hi-heels, they turned into flipflops. ...
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. the wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, “Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and out number them?” ...
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. .. They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, ...
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. “Shit!†says the ant. “One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!†...
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Spot”. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog’s license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, “I would like to ...
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some ...