A blind man was waiting to cross the road when a dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in his pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A passerby remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the dog had done. “Not at ...
Fred: Have you noticed that your mother smells a bit funny these days? Harry: No. Why? Fred: Well, your sister told me she was giving her a bottle of toilet water for her birthday. ...
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. ‘Excuse me for disturbing you, ma’am,’ he said politely, ‘ but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I’ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head ...
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general’s body, with the general getting to select any pair of points ...
An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth-control pills.” Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?” ...
Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down. Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach. Yo mama so nasty she made right guard turn left. Yo mama so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave Yo mama so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater. Yo mama so ...
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon Yo mama so ...
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up Yo mama so fat her nickname is “Lardo” Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo mama so fat were in her right now Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise Yo mama so fat she ...
A guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book and sure enough finds an ad for “Gorilla Pest Control.” When he asks if they can remove the gorilla, the service guy asks, “Is it male or female?” “Male,” he replies. “Oh yeah, we can do ...
A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he’s lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised ...